Procrasti-

Gah! I can't be bothered finishing that title right now. Let's check Facebook first- Oooh two notifications! Oh wait...nah wait they're just apps. The first is some shit shit involving quizzes or something. While the other is telling me that I am in fact less fun than another person who is not listed. According to one of my so-called "friends" anyway. Hmmm maybe I should get back to whatever I was supposed to be doing before I got distracted by- Wait one cotton picking moment-I haven't looked at pornography for a while!

Does this sound like you? Of course it does, you have the internet! A technology as sure to bring about the end of civilization as all the combustion engines and hydrogen bombs combined. No doubt by reducing workplace productivity to the point of economic collapse. I wonder, is it just me who can see a marked correlation between the inexorable rise of time-wasting monolith Facebook and the disintegration of the global economy?

How unfortunate it is that the machine to which most of us communally chained in order to be productive/earn a wage/study is also the gateway to infinite distraction. These distractions come in myriad formats, each more addictive and pointless than the last: pornography, social networking, aimless research on Wikipedia, pornography, endless Youtubery, browsing for music that has not yet been downloaded but appears to be similar to music already downloaded, checking emails (the lest satisfying avenue of entertainment with the lowest potential for replayability in my opinion) , checking that hilarious image board that of which are a member, pornography...

Yep, when it comes to procrastination/procrasturbation, us busy folks with other, less instantly gratifying things, we need to do are truly spoilt for choice. The worst offenders (apart form the dreaded social networking site) are those sites which possess the capacity for endless, or what I like to call "circular" procrastination. These involve Wikipedia, Youtube, and (as I discovered today to my cost) The Onion Website. These serial-time-killers operate by providing, with every click, an expanding range of links on similar topics. The effect is like some twisted game of whack-a-mole, in which the moles divide and multiply like amoeba with every strike. A similar comparison could be drawn involving that old story about cockroaches. The one that says stamping on them only serves to spread their eggs around the place...


You might be wondering what motivated me to start writing this inane drivel. You might have already worked it out. YES! I'm meant to be working of course- just like you! (Probably)

And now I have decided to return to it. So fuck off and get back to work.

Welcome to...The GUFFSTORM!!

I know what you're thinking. This is just what the world needs:
Another opinionated anus farting out self-important gibberish into the overcrowded lift that is teh interwebs.
Only this lift is so packed full of gastric exchange that every nostril is now clamped firmly shut in order to exclude the endless hissing cloud of unmitigated bullshit slowly saturating the cramped elevatorial space like Zyclon B...
Doubtless you care as little for my uneducated and ill-informed opinions as I do for yours.
But you might just get a chuckle out of them.

Right, that's that out of the way.

By the way, this is meant to be largely about things. And stuff. But we'll see how that pans out...

PS: if this looks at all familiar that's because it is.